What if the discomfort you feel in change is not a sign that you are failing, but a sign that you are adapting?

Not all struggle is a sign that something is wrong.

Sometimes it is a sign that something is changing.

A new role. A new expectation. A new chapter of leadership. A life event you did not plan for. A version of yourself you can sense, but have not fully stepped into yet.

That in-between space can feel unsettling. Foggy. Tender. Exposing.

And too often, we misread it.

We call it weakness. A lack of confidence. Proof that we are not ready.

I do not believe that is true.

I think much of what we experience in those moments can be better understood through two ideas: adaptive tension and change uncertainty.

For me, adaptive tension is the inner stretch we feel when life or leadership is asking something new of us. It is that uncomfortable space between what has been familiar and what is now emerging. It can feel messy, exposing, and deeply personal.

And then there is change uncertainty. This is about how often someone feels unsure when facing change. Not just lacking information, but genuinely feeling the fog of not quite knowing what to do, how to respond, or what the outcome might be.

What strikes me is how often people mistake these experiences for weakness. And I was one of them!

We assume tension means we are not ready.
We assume uncertainty means we are not capable.
We assume discomfort means we are getting it wrong.

I know differently now. 

Sometimes discomfort is not a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes it is a sign that something important is changing.

That is why this matters so much in leadership. Leaders are so often expected to be steady, certain and composed. Yet they are human too. They feel the stretch. They feel the fog. And when those experiences are not understood, it becomes easy to slip into overthinking, perfectionism, control, or silence.

Not because someone is failing, but because they are trying to find solid ground.

What I appreciate about working so closely with AQai is that it gives language to this. Adaptability is not fixed. It can be understood, measured and developed. And that opens up a much kinder and more useful conversation.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
We might ask, “What is this moment asking of me?”
Instead of, “Why can’t I handle this?”
We might ask, “What feels uncertain here, and what support do I need?”

That shift matters.

Because adaptive tension is not the enemy.
Change uncertainty is not a personal flaw.
They are part of being human in times of growth, pressure and change.

The real work is not to avoid them. It is to meet them with more awareness, more honesty and more compassion.

And perhaps that is where adaptability begins.